Post #28 – Women’s Memoirs, Writing and Healing – Kendra Bonnett and Matilda Butler
Explorations in Writing and Healing for Memoir Writers
Sharon Lippincott’s monthly article helps us better understand how our memoir writing leads to healing. In today’s post, she concludes with four valuable tips that you’ll want to include in your regular writing practice.
Thanks, Sharon.
–Matilda and Kendra
Writing Shifts the Way You Remember
Don’t hope in a memoir to preserve your memories. If you prize your memories as they are by all means avoid–eschew–writing a memoir
~Annie Dillard, Inventing the Truth
Annie Dillard’s words confirm the findings of neuroscientists that each time a memory enters awareness, the act and context of remembering is incorporated into the root memory, which continues to evolve and change each time it’s recalled.
The good news is that pleasant memories are less likely to be deeply analyzed and remain relatively intact, while darker ones often brighten upon further exploration. Hope for brightening dark ones is supported by the findings of the Pennebaker line of research on using expressive writing to heal trauma.
One of Pennebaker’s key findings is that positive outcomes correlated strongly with the degree to which subjects explored alternate points of view as they wrote. This finding can be deliberately applied as we work on memoir. By purposely adopting various perspectives to explore negative memories, we may gain amazing insight and free ourselves from all sorts of emotional thorns.
I’ve experienced this shift myself many times. In “Your Own Magic Crystal Ball” I tell how my understanding of a relationship from my school years flipped 180° as I wrote in my journal. Emboldened by that discovery, I began questioning other youthful memories, turning the cards face up on the table. I soon realized that those memories were of fleeting events, not typical ones. Although I’ve never thought of my girlhood as unhappy, there were plenty of clouds in the sky. A few simple questions swept those clouds away, reminding me that I was usually happy and optimistic, and my differences served a powerful purpose.
Many other memoirists have had similar experiences. In a recent conversation, Samantha White, author of Someone to Talk To, told me that she experienced a profound sense of peace and forgiveness as a result of completing her memoir. “For example, I’m no longer angry with my ex-husband,” she said. Boyd Lemon wrote Digging Deep with the specific intention of using the writing process to explore his part in the failures of his three marriages. He found the answers he sought and claims the experience changed his life. Linda Joy Myers often speaks of the healing benefits she experienced as she wrote Don’t Call Me Mother. In each case, these authors used journaling techniques to delve into their past and transform their outlook on painful memories.
Of the dozens of ways these insights can occur, these three specific tools are among the most powerful:
Tip #1: Question your assumptions
Think of a troubling memory and ask yourself, “Is that true? How do I know it’s true? Write out the answers. These simple questions can unleash a torrent of enlightenment. Continue to question and dig.
Tip #2: Reverse your perspective
Ask yourself “How else could I look at this?” or “What might (she) have been thinking at the time?” If anyone else was involved, repeat the process for all concerned. Write out the answers.
Tip #3: Freewriting
Use Natalie Goldberg’s technique from Writing Down the Bones. Write a question, like “How did I feel when (she) (told me that)? Then set a time for ten or fifteen minutes — or more, and begin writing your answer. Keep writing. Set the timer for longer if you need to. Don’t think, just write. When you finish, read back over what you wrote, and highlight anything relative to the question you have in mind. Consolidate your thinking and return to the puzzling paragraphs.
Kathleen Adams’ book, Journal to the Self and Christina Baldwin’s One to One are filled with powerful tools for self-exploration.
Tip #4: They only work if you do the work
These techniques are genies in a bottle. They will only work if you pull out the cork and unleash their power. So ask the tough questions and let your fingers find the answers. You may have to repeat the process several times before your memories shift, but the reward is worth the effort.
You can also read Sharon’s blog on Writing4Health.
Photo credit: Tobias Vemmendy
