Post #107 – Women’s Memoirs, Writing Prompt – Kendra Bonnett and Matilda Butler
A Memoir Writing Prompt About Childhood Lessons
This weekend I traveled to California to attend a party. Sounds frivolous doesn’t it? But if I said that I flew to California to be with a group of amazing women for most of a day, it might sound more reasonable. So, let’s go with the second explanation.
A dear friend gives an annual Legacy Luncheon. She manages to invite around 40 of the most interesting and extraordinary women. Just being invited is an incredible honor. She hosts the event at her longhorn ranch and sees to it that we get to spend some of the time “on the land.” Many years we walk up one of her hills and spend an hour or so in a circle, sharing stories inspired by the theme of the year and listening to the violin played by one of the guests, a woman who was her chemo nurse several years ago. The stories told and thoughts expressed vary each time. It might be the story of a daughter who is dying of brain cancer, a favorite poem that gives inspiration, a tale about a grandmother who always had found something good to say about everyone.
This year’s luncheon was different in two ways. First, the gathering was extra special because it would have been so easy for our host to cancel. She had emergency surgery for a perforated colon in early July and was in the hospital for 10 days. Many people urged her to cancel her party. “Everyone will understand,” was the oft repeated phrase. But our host refused to be deterred from sharing herself and her land with friends. Second, instead of walking up her hill (difficult for her to do after her surgery), we walked across a large open pasture to The Trilogy, a place where three large California live oaks grow. Chairs were already in place so that we could sit, look at the canyons in front of us, the longhorns in a nearby pasture, three deer running through the field, and this collection of wonderful women. During our sharing time, one woman — an artist who was attending for the first time — spoke on how much it meant to her to be there. “I’ve spent most of my career around men. To be surrounded by loving, caring women has been a special and unexpected treat.”
Another woman stood and repeated from memory the lyrics from Rodgers and Hammerstein’s “You’ve Got to Be Carefully Taught,” the song you may remember from South Pacific.
You’ve got to be taught
To hate and fear
You’ve got to be taught
From year to year
It’s got to be drummed
in your dear little ear
You’ve got to be carefully taught
You’ve got to be taught
To be afraid
Of people whose eyes
are oddly made
And people whose skin
Is a different shade
You’ve got to be carefully taught
You’ve got to be taught
Before it’s too late
Before you are 6 or 7 or 8
To hate all the people
your relatives hate
You’ve got to be carefully taught
These lyrics were considered scandalous in 1949. Take your mind back to that period in our history and you can understand that there were legislative challenges to the production as “You’ve Got to Be Carefully Taught” was thought to promote the communist plot. One Georgia lawmaker said the song was a “threat to the American way of life.” Rodgers and Hammerstein replied they would cancel the production rather than remove the song. James Michener later said that while his stories were the source for South Pacific, it was what this song represented that sparked Rodgers and Hammerstein’s interest in creating the musical.
Unfortunately, hatred, racial bias, and cultural misunderstandings are still a vivid part of our landscape. But the recitation of the lyrics during the party took us all back to the simplicity of what we learn — are taught — as children.
Memoir Writing Prompt
As usual, you are probably wondering when I’ll get around to the writing prompt. Well, here we go. Some memoir writers do focus on childhood lessons. But if you haven’t already been thinking about this, I’d like you to take a little time on this topic.
1. What is the most important lesson you were taught by your parents? Be sure to include who taught this to you and how it was taught. What makes this an important lesson — how has it influenced what you have done in your life?
2. What do you consider the most important lesson you have tried to teach your children? How did you try to teach it (by example, through discussion, etc.).
3. Sometimes we learn a lesson through a negative example. Women have told me, for instance, that her parents were prejudiced and she could see that the prejudice was wrong. This became an important life lesson. Did you learn a lesson in opposition to a way your parents believed or behaved? If so, what was that lesson and how has it changed your life?
