Post #38 – Women’s Memoirs, ScrapMoir – Matilda Butler and Kendra Bonnett
By Bettyann Schmidt
Past to Present in Scrapbooks and Memoir
We’re looking at the three divisions of our lives in today’s blog. Our past, present, and future. What we uncover about our past and how it relates to our present will help us chart our future.
When you look at your life today, do you ever go back to your childhood and compare what you told yourself you wanted to do with what you’re actually doing now? Did you choose a course of study that you ended up pursuing as your life’s work, or did you switch gears somewhere along the line and end up going down another road? When you think back, do you sometimes feel that you may still have time to take on the challenge of those youthful dreams?
To be tested is good. The challenged life may be the best therapist. — Gail Sheehy
I had a late start in life. I had to take first grade over because I spent more absent days sick at home than days I was present. The next year, for the first month or so, I was in a fog and could not understand what the teachers were talking about. They said I “daydreamed.” I can’t remember what visions I had inside my head to cause me to appear disinterested, but I probably would have been diagnosed with ADHD had there been such a term.
I can understand now how those kids with ADHD feel because everything going on in the classroom the beginning of my second year of first grade was a mystery to me. It wasn’t that I was intentionally tuning out; I merely didn’t have a clue. My two older sons were given the attention deficit label early on in their school careers, and I have several grandchildren as well who’ve worn the tag. When I think about it, my daughter who graduated with honors from Purdue University probably has ADHD because she had to study harder than normal, just like me, to make the A honor roll; it didn’t come easily. She was the only one of the children I didn’t have to “make” do their homework. She just did it, and sometimes was up past midnight studying. So was I, when I wanted to get the grades. Or I could just have fun and let the grades slip a little.
I can’t remember exactly at what age I finally learned to think. I do know that the second grade nun at our Catholic school, Sister Julia, was a sweet woman who encouraged me a lot. I learned to read for understanding in her class, and this opened the door for me. It was like my ticket to ride. I began devouring library books by the dozens.
The Realizations Come from Memoir Writing and Scrapbooking
Do you remember when you came to a realization about yourself in the past? What caused the sudden shift? What impact did it have on you at the time? How did it influence your life even later? Pinpoint those events. Perhaps you have photos to go along with these stories.
For me, it came after I learned to read and write, and I began wondering about the people who wrote the books I read, like Laura Ingalls Wilder. That’s when I started trying to write stories. My parents laughed because a little kid’s stories are sometimes really naïve and simple. But it hurt my feelings, so I quit sharing my stories. I did write a play once for my siblings and cousins and our neighborhood friends to act the parts.
In eighth grade, the nuns announced that whoever wrote the best speech would be the valedictorian, and I wrote mine and another girl’s as well. I just made hers not as good as mine. I won. On graduation day, in the gym, after the luncheon, I stood up at the podium in my white dress and just knew that finally my parents would see that I was a writer. No one ever said anything about my speech though, and I started wondering if everyone was right and I was just a silly, daydreaming kid.
In high school, Dad wanted me to take all business classes because his idea of a successful woman was someone who typed in an office. I did as he wanted, but I envied the kids who were going to college. I made high grades in the office subjects, but I excelled in English, and I loved it. I looked forward to writing essays and book reports. The writing just refused to get out of my head, but I learned to keep quiet about it.
“I’ve never tried to block out the memories of the past, even though some are painful. I don’t understand people who hide from their past. Everything you live through helps to make you the person you are now.” — Sophia Loren
Moving South
Sometimes a drastic change occurs in our lives that leads us to a fork in the road, and our lives change. Mine began to change when, in 1968, my husband and I and our three children moved to Nashville for his future in the music business. I missed everything about my home in Cincinnati for quite a while, especially my family. I had to get a job, however, and that took my mind off of being homesick. I ended up as a Secretary at General Electric Sales, working for the two district sales managers. They were good guys, and I enjoyed my job. I also learned how not to get made fun of because of my yankee accent.
With the birth of my fourth child, I decided to stay home until he was in kindergarten. This is also when my marriage began spiraling out of control. I saw where we were headed, and in 1975 I secured a job at Vanderbilt University Medical Center as a Secretary II. I had to have a plan. The best thing about working at Vanderbilt is the chance to move up the ladder. It’s actually expected. So I again enrolled in evening classes, now at the University of Tennessee at Nashville, taking English and journalism.
When the position of Editorial Assistant was posted at Vanderbilt, I knew that was the one, and I applied and got it. That would end up being the position that acted as a stepping stone to other opportunities, but I didn’t realize it then. I thought I had been promoted to workplace heaven. I loved that job—the research, the challenge, the pats on the back, the prestige. I felt at home on Vanderbilt’s campus, deep in the current of academic life.
Counting on Myself
As stated in the layout above, I left Vanderbilt in 1980 to pursue a career as a Court Reporter. I’d started working evenings at home transcribing for a reporter to make additional money to support my children, as the divorce drew closer and closer. I had loved Vanderbilt and my job so much that it was hard to leave, but the mortgage had to be paid and I had four children to feed.
“If you have to support yourself, you had bloody well better find some way that is going to be interesting.” — – Katherine Hepburn
While I studied at home the first year’s court reporting course, my children ran the home, especially my older daughter, Sherry. She cooked, cleaned, did the laundry, and took care of her little brother and sister. I like to tell people my children put me through school.
After a few months, I checked with the course instructor at U.T. Nashville and discovered that I had taught myself to the point where her students were starting the fifth quarter, the last year, and I could join the class and receive my credentials if I passed all the tests required.
It was hard. But being able financially to support my children as well as other parents did was all important to me and I would not give up. Court reporting is known to have a 98-percent dropout rate, and I would not allow that figure to scare me.
Career Challenges
It’s not always easy to step out of your comfort zone into a new life, even if it’s what you want. Have you ever had to make these kinds of difficult stepping-out decisions? Can you express your feelings during these times. What is the hardest change you’ve ever been forced to make? Afterwards, did you learn the benefits that came as a result of the change or decision, even though you didn’t see this at the time. I’ve found in my life that this is usually what happens when you are fighting to stay in a situation that is not really right for you. Once you can look back and see the progression, you usually end up being thankful that you actually went through the hard time.
This is what happened to me through my divorce and taking on my new career. I’ll never forget the first morning waking up and being alone, totally in charge of my household, and the first time I walked in a courtroom packed with people and acted like I belonged there.
Three years after my divorce, I met my present husband, Gary. I was a successful court reporter by then. We met in school. Oh, yes, I was back in school again. I am a lifelong learner. He and I met in photography class and became friends. Education is a common interest in our lives, as is almost everything else, the environment, books, gardening and farming.
“What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now.” Author unknown
Slipping Into the Present
It’s odd how the present kind of sneaks up on us. It’s as if a curtain suddenly opens on stage, and we look around and say, “Oh, I’m here now.” The years since my marriage to Gary in 1987 have flown by so quickly. I am now retired from working outside the home.
Along the way to my present life, I found myself back in one of my first jobs after high school, medical transcription, though now I did it from home, and for a very familiar group of professionals, Vanderbilt doctors. It felt like being home in my own home.
I also discovered the world of scrapbooking, which I’m as much in love with today as I was 11 years ago, maybe even more so, because the more I learn, the more exciting it becomes. It fits exactly my passion for writing and photography. I’ve also discovered family history, and this caters to my need for research.
Of course, I have the chance to write more now than I had while raising the kids and working. And I love traveling when I feel like it, especially to an occasional writer’s conference. So far, I’ve stayed pretty close to home, but I plan on widening my horizons in the near future.
“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land, there is no other life but this.”—Henry David Thoreau
A Today Scrapbooking Collage
I decided to create a collage of what my life is today. Mostly a simple life on a farm, where two mama goats are getting ready to give birth, and our gardens are beginning bear fresh food; we eat farm fresh eggs every morning; we stay out of debt; we enjoy the gradkids when they visit; we have our own interests and hobbies. Oh, and I wrote a chapter for a book that was published last year.
What about your life today? How can you tie it into the past? Could you make a collage of your everyday life at present?
Future Dividends
“In order to plan your future wisely, it is necessary that you understand and appreciate your past.” — Jo Coudert
What about your future? Your goals, your dreams. Do you have a lot of these, or maybe you are like me and try to whittle them down into a doable sort of to-do list. I like putting my written plans and goals somewhere I can see them on a regular basis and review them. I change them usually once a year.
One of the top things on my list for the future is to finish my nonfiction book about scrapbooking. Below is a copy of one of my pages that I’m editing.
What is the one big goal out in front of you? Is it something you’ve always wanted to do, like me? Can you take a picture of the project and put it into your scrapbook or notebook? Just documenting the visual image can give you the inspiration to make it happen.
I loved doing this project, going back to my past, thinking about my present and see visible proof in a collage that it’s pretty good and I’ve realized some of my dreams, and making my priority list for the future. You could do this and insert the whole project into a notebook or folder to save for your children or family. Wouldn’t you like to have something like this that your mother or grandmother, or aunt or someone in your family created? Even if you just look at it from time to time yourself, it’s still fun to create. Give it a try.
Bettyann Schmidt
http://journey2f.blogspot.com
memoir writing
memoir vignette
memoir scrapbooking
