Post #132 – Women’s Memoirs, Writing Prompt – Kendra Bonnett and Matilda Butler
What Is the Focus of Memoir?
Lately, I’ve been back into Art of Time in Memoir: Then, Again
Let me begin with a quote from the book:
“…I began to think about the relation between the remembered detail and the ‘truth’ of my own experience… Coming face-to-face with the contradiction between what I felt should be important and what in fact seemed important, I could understand my project as the attempted working out of a problem. Mainly: What did my so-called real memories add up to? What were they telling me that was different from the authorized version I had of my life?
“…the inward process of a life is in significant ways divorced from the outer. I mean, if remembered details are taken strictly as an index of importance, then it is possible that the whole scale of mattering is turned on its head. In my case, seemingly important periods — periods in which ostensibly big things hapened–often disappeared like so many Atlantises, with nothing to be retrieved, while some outwardly trivial moments might offer themselves, luminous and precise down to their finest corrugations.”
Here’s how I interpret Birkerts. When we decide to write a memoir, to write about our lives, to share our experiences with others, we often are guided by a sense of what we think our lives have been. Specifically, what we think others believe our lives have been or should have been. It’s tempting to focus on education, travel, family. This is Birkerts’ outer process of life. But what about the inner process? Where are the themes in your life? What are the small remembered moments that seem to be nothing but are everything to you? What shaped you and caused you to be who you are? What meaning do you make of your life experiences?
In other words, memoir is more than outer lives.
Let me give an example. Two weeks ago, we drove to Portland for the 80th birthday celebration of a longtime friend. With the exception of his sister, we had known him longer than anyone at the party — my life partner has known him 50 years (a number I found hard to believe until I realized I have known him 48 years). That meant we knew much of his outer life. After appetizers commingled with conversation, a memorable dinner consumed, champaigne-filled glasses raised with good wishes, and our host’s favorite chocolate dessert inhaled, he stood to talk about his life. I thought I knew the story before he spoke.
After he spoke, I realized I hadn’t known the story at all. He chose four achievements and described how each was an expression of social entrepreneurism — the one driving force behind each major accomplishment. He explained what he meant by social entrepreneurism, how he had to consider a series of factors to bring about change, and why he thought those changes mattered.
Suddenly, I felt that I knew this person for the first time.
Memoir Writing Tip
1. Are you just starting your memoir? Struggling with writing one? Can’t figure out the flow? Don’t know what to put in it and what to leave out?
Here’s one starting point. Rather than thinking about telling the obvious, the outer, consider what experience was pivotal in shaping you. It might be a person. It might be an insight. It might be a dream. Perhaps there is a thread that links your life experiences, much as my friend revealed that social entrepreneurism was the thread that tied together his quite different achievements.
Move away from a linear or time based list from you life. Consider instead the elements that have created your distinctive fingerprint.
Memoir writing is a time to dig deeply. To consider our lives. To make sense of what otherwise seems senseless. That’s what our readers want because they too are trying to make sense of their experience and are looking to see how others are doing it.
What would you say about your life if you could speak for 10 minutes? It’s worth considering.
