Post #18 – Memoir Writing, Journaling – Amber Starfire
Disagreements, no matter how much we want to avoid them, are normal. However, this time of year, when families gather and stress levels reach all-time highs, you may experience more conflict than usual. Using your journal to write the stories of relationship conflicts is a great way to vent, gain perspective, reduce stress, and record events, all at the same time — in the privacy of your page and without danger of hurting anyone else’s feelings.
The stress reduction benefits of journaling are well-documented. Beyond simple venting, using your journal to make sense of your emotions and learn from them can strengthen you and help improve your communication (and thus relationships). And if you keep a journal with a memoirist’s perspective, you may also find that some of your best storytelling springs from the strong emotions associated with disagreements, personality clashes, and generation gaps.
Here are a few suggestions for combining journal writing with storytelling when events are fresh in your mind and heart. You will probably want more than one writing session to go through this process, but I think you’ll find the benefits are worth the extra time involved.
- First, write to vent. Just get it all on the page: “I’m just so mad at Aunt Dottie. Why can’t she keep her darned opinions to herself. Today, she just had to get into it with Dad at the Thanksgiving table. And she does this every year …”
– - Once you’ve wrung out your negative emotions on the page, try to write what happened as factually as possible: “The table looked beautiful, loaded with abundance: turkey, mashed potatoes, candied yams, and Mom’s famous green bean casserole. I felt particularly proud of the gourd centerpiece I made last weekend. Things seemed to be going well, until, just as Dad began carving the Turkey, Aunt Dottie said ____. Dad, taking the bait — I so wish he hadn’t — retorted, ____. The next thing I knew, Mom was in tears and everyone else was staring down at their plates in silence.”
– - Next, go back and fill in the details. Set the scene by describing the room, the smells, how the table was set, the gourd centerpiece, and who was there. Was it fairly peaceful, or was it chaotic with children running through the kitchen? Was Mom flushed and stressed from the responsibilities of cooking? Fill in the visible reactions of others to the dialog, and your own internal reactions.
– - Finally, reflect on the scene and your response to it. Has your anger built up over the years so that it gets triggered easily? What’s the back story to what happened? What did you personally learn from the experience? Was there something, on reflection, that you might have done differently had you been able? What might that be?
Those events which have the greatest emotional impact on us are the ones that most need to be told, and it is those same events which provide us with the greatest opportunities for personal growth. By combining the techniques of reflective journaling and storytelling you can get the most out of your journaling experience.
For more articles about journaling and memoir writing, see the Telling Your Stories section on writingthroughlife.com.
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journaling
memoir journaling
journal writing prompt
reflective journaling
Image: Jan Steen [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
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