Post #37 – Women’s Memoirs, Writing and Healing – Kendra Bonnett and Matilda Butler
Writing and Healing
Five Stellar Strategies for Writing Through Tough Times
Regular guest blogger, children’s book author and coach. Pamela is currently writing her memoir
It can be hard enough writing when everything in your life is going smoothly, but what about when you hit a rough patch? In truth, completing a memoir (or any work of art) is a triumph. If things took their natural course, nothing would ever be completed – the odds are against it. The writer has to assert her will over illness, inertia, accidents, backed-up drains, financial worries, and telemarketers.
By observing myself and interviewing other writers, I’ve come up with five strategies for helping you write through tough times. I hope you’ll find them helpful and that you’ll enhance our list by sharing some tips of your own!
1. Go portable
Writing is an admirably portable art whether you use a pen and paper or a laptop.
Years ago, I was undergoing a medical procedure that required me to get up at 4:00 every morning, leave my peaceful farmhouse, and take the train to Philadelphia.
I was not happy. What would happen to my writing day? To the quiet moments conversing with the beloved maple tree outside my window? I decided I would keep a journal to entertain and distract myself. At least I would be writing something.
Rather than concentrating on my own thoughts and feelings, as I had in earlier journals, I resolved to make this new journal an exercise in observing.
“I want to see everything, to notice every detail of the world around me in these weeks, describe everything I see in vivid clarity…I look out the train window and imagine the young man standing on the platform lighting a cigarette is my son. He’s Asian – Japanese, perhaps –- and I imagine he’s leaving, going away from his family and home. It’s 1944 and we’ve been in an internment camp. Now my son has a chance to leave, to go to war for his country. As his mother, my feelings are mixed as I watch him on the platform – my son.”
These reflections took me out of myself, and trained me to observe more sharply. It was the beginning of a journal I’ve kept faithfully ever since, one I may never have started if I had stayed home in my quiet writing room.
You can also write while walking. When I was living in Florence, I walked up into the hills overlooking the city every afternoon while dictating my journal into my tape recorder. (If anyone came along, I just pretended to be talking on my cell phone.) The writing I did while walking had a gentle, rolling gait. Now when I read my impressions of an early spring walk, I feel like I’m right back there again.
“The lane dips down here…I wonder what’s around the corner. The sound of a spade hitting rock…the smell of newly turned earth…scurrying of lizards in the ivy when my shadow falls across the wall. In the meadows, bird song and pealing of church bells.”
2. Make the act of writing bigger than yourself
My friend Nancy says, “During tough times I visualize myself as a conduit for another human being out there who may be suffering as much as I am. I then can choose my mode of connecting depending on what I need for comfort. Do I need empathy? Do I seek inspiration to lift me out of my own negativity? Do I want humor to charm ‘Miss Grumpy Pants?’ By making my act of writing bigger than myself… I find motivation to ‘apply the seat of my pants,’ as my junior high teacher told us, and just do it.”
3. Write about what you’re going through, while you’re going through it
When my husband was undergoing heart surgery at the Cleveland Clinic last year, I invested in an iPad and emailed friends and family as events unfolded. When someone you love experiences a health crisis, events are so obviously out of your control – that is, fate is so obviously at play – that narrating what is happening at the very moment it is happening can be liberating. You get caught up recording odd bits of dialogue, gossip between co-workers, the facial tick of the relaxation therapist.
4. Find the humor
As my husband recovered from surgery in the hospital, I decided to have an endoscopy I’d been putting off. The nurses at the Cleveland Clinic were kind enough to let me use my iPad as I waited to be wheeled into the operating room for the procedure.
I don’t do well with medical procedures. I always imagine the doctor will give me bad news. In my mind, I hear him saying, not very sympathetically, “Now I don’t want you to panic, but there’s a problem with your test. Let’s take this one step at a time.”
I was getting more and more agitated by my vivid imaginings while I waited to be wheeled into the operating room. Meanwhile, I kept tapping away on my iPad.
“I’m thinking of having a panic attack, but I’ll wait until they wheel me in,” I emailed a friend. “No reason to rush it.”
I was laughing at myself in the midst of my terror and entertaining my friend in the process. That helped me get through.
5. Just one page
Author Elvira Woodruff told me about her own strategy for writing during tough times:
“I’ve written through some hard times over the last twenty some years – divorce, a cancer scare and operation, a toxic relationship, and worst of all my son’s descent into drugs. There were many days when I felt as if I had no control. I wrote because I needed to make a living, not realizing that writing through tough times is what gave me strength…and by doing that I gained composure and confidence to face the negatives that seemed to be swamping my own life story.
“One thing that really helped was setting smaller goals. Instead of four or five pages a day I’d say to myself just one page. Just showing up for the one page settled me down. I wrote two books of letters through one rough life patch and that was a godsend, because I’d say to myself, One letter. Just write one letter today.“Looking back over the books I wrote through those hard times, I wouldn’t say they were my best work. They were darker, moodier pieces, but they weren’t bad. They were good stories and they paid my bills, and better than that they empowered me to keep going and show up and be strong for those I loved in the story that matters most to me – my own.”
“I’ve always found that writing helps me to clarify what I’m thinking and feeling,” author Pat Brisson writes, Putting nebulous, frustrating, angry, raw emotions down on paper forces me to organize them, capture them and deal with them. I feel as long as I can give a name to something, it loses some of its power over me.”
The very act of writing during hard times is healing because it compels us to organize the seemingly random and chaotic events of life into a thing of beauty and economy – a story.
Pamela Jane Bell is the author of twenty-six children’s books, and is currently completing her memoir on how she became a children’s book author.
Her newest children’s book Little Goblins Ten (Harper, illustrated by Jane Manning) is a humorous riff on of the classic country rhyme “Over in the Meadow.” Little Goblins Ten was recently reviewed in The New York Times:
“Readers are rewarded with ample humor and wit… there’s a sweetness to the parental-offspring interactions in the playful, alliterative text.”—New York Times Book Review
Pamela Jane’s first book, Noelle of the Nutcracker (Houghton Mifflin, illustrated by Jan Brett) is still in print:
“Jane’s first book magically captures the dreams-can-come-true atmosphere of the holiday season…Jane is a skillful storyteller. A lovely novella any time of the year.”— Publishers Weekly
Each month Pamela Jane Bell gives us something new to consider.
Pamela’s other hat, that of a children’s author, gives her a unique perspective. If you have children or grandchildren you’ll want to check out Pamela’s new lovely, illustrated book — Little Goblins Ten — that received a starred review by Kirkus and a review by Publishers Weekly that said, “In a gently spooky spin on “Over in the Meadow” that counts up to 10, various ghouls and beasts groan, swoop, and haunt. Jane has fun playing within the nursery rhyme’s parameters…”
Pamela Jane Bell has extensive experience mentoring children’s book authors, some of whom have gone on to highly successful careers. She is available to analyze manuscripts for any age level – board book to young-adult – and to suggest strategies for breaking in. Please contact Pamela if you are interested in having her help you write, revise, or submit a children’s manuscript.